M looks great. You wouldn't know that a foreign agent overtook her gastrointestinal tract and caused it to become inflamed and want to shoot everything out of it like a fireworks factory meltdown.
The Koala also looks great and is back to her full ahead level of breastual harassment.
Interesting thing about this bug. It caused the Koala to communicate very clearly about when she needs to use the toilet or when she would like a new diaper. Basically, if you want to potty train your 16 month old, take her to a stomach flu party.
She just started patting her diaper, M put her on the toilet with baby butt adapter and plop plop plop.
So this is the routine now: Baby pats diaper, leads us to bathroom, takes the butt adapter off its hook on the radiator, gives us the adapter, we position it, she excitedly gets on it with our help, does her business, claps, flush, rinse the adapter, baby wipes own butt. Whu?
It seems now that she loves the entire process and initiates it for pees and poos as well as farts or just hanging with the parents in the bathroom.
The diaper request was a surprise to me. I didn't understand it at first.
We had her cruising around like Donald Duck or Porky Pig - top, no pants - to air out her parts, she patted her vagina and I put her on the toilet. Nope. She patiently asked to be removed. She led me by the hand to the mattress on the floor, laid down and tapped her vagina, DA!
I looked at her deeply and quizzically and said, "I know you are telling me something and I'm sorry to be so slow. Help me to understand you better."
She pointed to another room, DA! and patted her vagina again.
"I think I understand. Will you show me?"
She took my hand and walked me to our hangout room and pointed up at the wall, DA!
I took a cloth diaper from the shelf and laid it on the couch. She immediately climbed on the couch and laid herself down across the diaper and started trying to close it. I finished the job for her and she ran away immediately after.
Another thing she's started doing is giving her deflated version of the OK sign after she poops. I'm not sure exactly what that means, but I have a feeling she's telling us that we're gradually getting better at parenting.
*****
I on the other hand am less than OK. After the ladies began recovering from their downswing, my allergy situation worsened by the day to the point that I had to call in sick on Friday due to fatigue, aching joints, headaches, chills and whatever else symptoms associated with the Black Death. I slept most of Friday. Woke up today feeling a million times better and then my bowels decided to empty post haste. Normally, I'd be upset about peeing out my butt every 10 minutes, but today, I just said fuck it to the whole thing and hunkered down for a day of interfacing with the Thunder Box.
M took the dog with her to the studio. She looked magnificent leaving the house today.
The Koala and I took a nap together. She woke up around 2pm and all was good until she realized that she was stuck with just me and then burst out in anger and grief. She wanted nothing to do with me. No food! No water! No touching me! Don't leave me! Carry me! Don't fucking pick me up assface! Where the fuck are you going! Do you hear me! Do you hear me! Answers! I want ANSWERS!
I put on Top Gear, she instantly calmed down and she silently sat with me for the entire episode.
We tidied up a bit together. She had a lot of tuna and three bites of a croissant. She does this thing now of wiping up her spills.
I decided not to eat all day, choosing instead to have a tea of honey, lime, orange peel, cloves, salt and cayenne pepper. Cleanse motherfucker cleanse, I chanted as I drank it. My problems subsided as my guts had nothing and no one left to kick to the curb. I think I could have gone longer without eating, but I hadn't eaten that much all week, so I started having semi delirious fantasies about grilled cheeses and lasagna.
We goofed around the house. She suggested we go out so we went skateboarding only on our street, close enough for me to have enough time to grab the kid and skateboard and bolt up the stairs. She was incredibly patient throughout the layering up. I had to go a several times right before leaving and after the second run, she just stood outside the bathroom patiently and with wide eyes.
We skated a while. The Neighbors thought she was so cute on the skateboard. I have this nagging fear that someone will tell me that what I am doing is going to kill the baby. We packed up and started heading to the drugstore for colas when M pulled up alongside us. The Koala immediately got fussy remembering what she had been angry about earlier and tried to crawl in through the window. M pulled away to park, we continued to the drugstore, but the Koala was clearly displeased.
The Koala was relieved and excited to see M when we got home, but the dog, more excited to see us knocked the Koala down with all of her frantic wagging. When she finally recovered, she glommed onto M and attacked her breasts.
We had dinner. M took the dog on a walk. I gave the Koala a bath. She was exhausted. M came back and put her to bed. Minutes later, M bust into the room doing a combination ballet freeform jazz gymnastic can can celebration touch-down dance. Baby down.
We watched Grey's in peace.
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